Thursday, December 9, 2010

Will I ever love again?

Have you ever saved an old note, e-mail, or text from someone that meant a lot to you? Have you ever reread it over and over till the paper was soft from being handled so much? Have you ever been incredibly grateful for the confirmation "Are you sure you want to delete this message?" and clicked "No." ? Well, I have done and continue to do all these things. I am, as many of you know, a sentimental person, and I keep lots of mementos, letters, and tickets to remember various things and people. However, these great sources of joy can also be sources of pain when the person attached to them dies, leaves, or is just not in your life anymore.


So, we ask ourselves: Will I ever love again? Is it worth the pain to open up to the love and acceptance I receive? Should I enter into a relationship or friendship with this person knowing that even fellow Christians make mistakes and hurt, sometimes unintentionally? Should I join a small group, Bible study group, or Sunday school class where people will see my faults and sins and hold me accountable for them?


I submit a hearty YES to the above questions. There are times in my life when I have thought, "This hurts. The bleeding wounds of my heart are not worth it." However, I soon find myself forming new friendships and growing attached to new people. What am I thinking?! To a certain extent, this is my personality - I'm a "people person." But even more than that, I think, is that I have benefited from and/or learned something from every person I've ever had any type of relationship with. The friend whose child is in and out of the hospital who speaks peace to me every time I talk to her; the fellow single mom who has a smile on her face and never audibly complains; the new acquaintance who is my age and a widowed mother of 2 young children; the person who sent all those messages that I keep rereading, though it's painful because they are gone now; the grumpy cashier or waiter who makes me think "Is that how I sound? Yikes!"; these are all people that God has placed and allowed in my life, and I believe I can learn from each one of them. So, the question is, will I? Will I open my heart and take the risk? Will I let someone see my baggage and help me work through it? Will I let Jesus speak to me through His word and other people? Will I ever love again? Gosh, I hope so, because I don't want to be known as someone who never loved. I want to be known as one who loved fully, to the depths, and one whose love others could feel.